Awareness

Awareness has been on my mind pretty heavily lately. I’ve been thinking about writing about it for a while, maybe a couple of months at this point and I don’t really know why I haven’t done it until now. It feels like such a big, important topic that maybe it seems a little intimidating for me to put into words. Unclear at this time what the hang up has been.

What I do know is that if you want to change your life/external world, you must change your internal one first. It’s a non negotiable and this is where awareness comes in. You have to learn to be able to observe the thoughts that run on auto pilot in your mind. You can’t change anything if you’re literally unaware of it. You simply can not skip this step. I have ADHD and the way my brain works, I think in layers. What I mean by that is I can be thinking 3 thoughts on top of each other at any given time and not even know what they are. I know there are different types of ADHD so it may not work this way for everyone but all I can speak on is my personal experiences and hope that they are helpful to someone else. Now the issue I have found with this way of inner working is that I am constantly thinking about things that I’m not even aware of thinking, looping in my subconscious mind underneath the other thoughts that may be more pressing at the time. My brain argues with itself constantly without my knowledge. Observation, awareness, presence, stillness are all skills to be learned and mastered to the best of our ability. Nervous system regulation is another non negotiable. You can’t hear your thoughts, your intuition, you can’t trust your judgment with a fried nervous system that doesn’t feel safe and calm. You can’t be still and listen when your body is on high alert. You won’t feel the subtle cues, the truth and discernment in the body, the subtle shifts in energy if you’re stuck in fight or flight. Everything feels too big, like an emergency and it’s all running on  panic mode. Being one with your body requires peace and presence. It might take some practice and some time to figure out what works for you to regulate. Just keep trying things until you do and be open to changing the things that no longer work. Something might work amazing for a while and as you grow and change, you may notice it doesn’t work as well anymore. Time to look for something new!

The first step is to just notice the thoughts and the feelings that are present in your day to day life. Become aware of what your brain and body are doing on auto pilot. When you start to feel something in your body, anything at all, try to stop and notice the thoughts that preceded the feeling. Don’t get frustrated if you’re not sure. All of these things are called practices for a reason! It takes practice and persistence to make new habits and release old ones. These are things you’ve been doing, living your life unaware every day for all of the days you’ve been on this planet and in this body. Be kind to yourself and give yourself so much grace when you’re trying to master this new and very life changing skill. There will be resistance to it and that’s ok. Persevere anyway! When you do notice the thoughts that are negative, unkind, self deprecating, this is your opportunity to change the thought. One thing that has worked nicely for me is to ask myself questions about the thought. Where did it come from? What am I resisting? What is this protecting me from? What if I think about this situation in another way? For me, the most important question to ask myself is “Whose thought is this?” Is this a pattern that was handed to me from my family, my friends, the outside world? Is it really a true thought that I think about me or for me in my life?

One practice I did for a while, then stopped and recently started doing again is to have a timer set on my phone every hour on the hour. I use the mindfulness bell app. When my alarm goes off I will stop what I’m doing if I’m able at that time and take a few deep, calming breaths, focusing on my heart space and being present in my body. I have started using affirmations and mantras again as well. These are 2 things that I think work really well for my ADHD brain. I feel like those of us that are neurodivergent require extra grounding practices and extra time outs to get out of our heads and into our bodies. The best way I’ve found to work for me is to try to focus all of my attention on the sounds I can hear around me, and what my physical body can feel around me such as the air on my skin or the wind if I’m outside. It gives my brain something to look for and focus on while really bringing me into my body and the present moment. With the affirmations and mantras, I find that if I have something I’m able to repeat in my mind that is a good or productive thought rather than a thought not serving me or affirming something negative, it helps to redirect me. I recently wrote out a bunch of affirmations and mantras on index cards so I can shuffle and choose one daily to be my mantra of the day. I will also snap my fingers to clear something from my mind or energy field at times. If I’m focused on a negative thought or if I feel an attachment or cord to something that I prefer not to be there I will briefly focus on that thing and intentionally snap it out of my energy field. Sometimes I have to do this more than once if the thought is particularly sticky and that’s ok. It’s all about progress not perfection.

Above all things, do your best to be curious and playful, enjoy life and feel good now. Your energy field is interacting with the energy fields of everything and everyone around you so do your best to project the energy of the life you choose and not one that was chosen for you!